Bethenny Frankel, 10 rules,

I am reading "A Place of Yes", by Bethenny Franke - 10 rules for getting everything you want out of life.  It's really good.  It's also one of those books, I believe, that finds you when you need it rather then when you are looking for something to read.  Let me explain...
I am at a crossroads.  I feel like I am floundering.  For the last 7 months I have been bartending full time at a bar where this fall, I will have bartended part-time for 20 years.  An opportunity had come along and I decided to take it.  Our bar manager took another job, my temporary job had just ended.  This temporary job started as a six week project that turned into six months.  Prior to that I spent almost 23 years in a position that I thought that I liked.  Turned out I didn't and they knew it and thankfully laid me off instead of firing me.  So since April 15, 2011, I have been floundering.  Feeling like this is/was an opprotunity to find out what I "really" wanted to be when I "grew up".  Here's what I found out so far: there aren't a lot of jobs out there, when you get an interview and the interviewer says "It's just a formalty but we need to do second interview" they don't really mean, I don't know what I want to do and even though I've been a part-time bartender for almost 20 years, doing it full time and managing my friends, is not my cup of tea.  All I have accomplisted in the last year and 1/2 is gaining some weight, depleteing my savings and trying to figure out what my next step is supposed to be.
Enter Bethenny Frankel.   Now I am a full blown Real Housewifes fan.  I've watched them all.  I always liked watching Bethenny on RHNY.  Then she created Skinnygirl Margarettas, sold it for $150 million bucks, got married, had a baby, got a talk show.  Easy peezy right? WTF.  I want to hate her, want to hate that it "worked" out for the skinny girl.  Pardon the pun.  But really does shit like this just happen to people?  It must....right?
I don't need to make $150 million dollars.  Not that I would turn it down, but really I would just like to have enough money to make each months bills with a little left over.  No, that's not true either.  I want to stop worrying so much about money.  To be comfortable - whatever that is.  What I am struggling with is finding what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life.  I don't really need to stay in HR which is where I was when I was laid off.  The temp job was at a boat factory in customer service and warranty - a warehouse type job.  I liked that job but it was because I knew it was a temp and I just had fun.  My friends would tease and say that I went from dress clothes to steel toes.  And well, as you know, I am currently a full time bartender - one that the owner has said should start looking for another job because neither they nor I am happy.  Part time bartending fun-full time, not so much.  I am applying for jobs, jobs that I think I would love, could do, or am applying just because it's what I used to do.
Okay...back to Bethenny.  This book, "A Place of Yes" has 10 rules to get everything you want out of life.  I am currently on Rule 6.  Chapters 1-5 have each resonated with me.  She tells her story and uses her experiences as examples.  Each chapter makes me think that yes I can do that.  I can have everything I want out of life.  I just can't seem to think of what that is. If I could figure out what my dream is, what I am supposed to do with my life, what is going to be the one thing that makes me happy, help me lose the 80 pounds I feel I should lose, keep my house clean, and find me a man....see my problem. 
I guess, I will keep you posted. 
BTW, this is a very random post, I know.  This is always the type of post that I wanted to share, but didn't want to world to know how crazy I was/feel sometimes.  Everyone else "out there" seemed so perfect that I felt like I couldn't have a meltdown.  But maybe this is what Nelle's Nook is.  A place (or Nook) where I can put all the shit that is in my brain that needs to get out of my brain and sent out into the blogworld.  So...here you go.
Until next time.  I am going to keep reading and maybe keep blogging about it.  Maybe you can help or maybe it will just help to get it out of the nook.  Maybe Bethenny will read it.  HA!
Ellsworth